The art of self-soothing: Baby Carter just needed a little space
The first few months of life with your new baby are a magical, if foggy time – however, eventually the fog starts to lift. For first time Mum, Helena, the fog was persisting.
“I was suffering from a bit of depression and the lack of sleep was definitely not helping. I began to feel like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.”
Helena’s five month old Carter was waking multiple times overnight.
“Sometimes he would be awake every two hours, and he needed to be held to get back to sleep. Carter’s naps were also completely hit and miss during the day – we didn’t have much of a routine in place,” Helena recalls.
With her partner’s support, Helena reached out to the experts and engaged Auckland-based baby sleep consultant Chelle for a phone consult.
“Originally we just signed up for the consult and a week of follow up support, but we ended up adding another week,” Helena explains.
“Chelle listened to my description of life with Carter and then talked me through the different approaches we could try to support him to go to sleep independently.”
Choosing the right approach for you
Chelle explained to Helena that the out of the room methods – like spaced soothing, – tended to be the most quickly effective, but that gentler methods could still work if you were prepared to give them a bit more time.
“Chelle gave me all of the information, and then gave me the chance to choose,” Helena recalls.
“I wanted the quickest improvement possible by that point, so opted for spaced soothing.”
Helena was in for a rough ride to start with, but Chelle was with her every step of the way.
“It wasn't easy; we’d never let him cry for that long before. My parents were staying with me at the time, so that added to the stress of it. Chelle helped me to stick with it and I trusted her as she was the professional.”
Those early days weren’t without a few hitches either.
“Unfortunately I don’t think I entirely understood the method at first, so don’t think I was doing it right for the first couple of days,” Helena admits. “Luckily I was able to talk to Chelle about how it was going and she explained the approach again, so I was able to get it from there,” Helena adds.
Starting to turn a corner
As the days went by, Helena and her partner started seeing some improvement. “After the first few days I was going in less times to get Carter back to sleep,” Helena recalls.
Chelle shared an age-appropriate sleep guide with Helena that helped her to get Carter into more of a day-time routine too.
“The guide helped me understand when a baby Carter’s age should go down, and for how long. Before I had been trying to read his tired signs, but I think he was often overtired by the time I got him to bed – especially at night-time. Paying more attention to suitable awake times for his age really helped!”
Ditching the dummy
The other change was helping Carter to ditch the dummy.
“When I first talked to Chelle, she suggested that a dummy might be one of the things causing the frequent waking,” Helena explains.
“At that age, Carter wouldn’t have yet been able to find and replace his dummy independently, so we were getting up and having to put it back in for him. We knew it would be easier to get rid of now than later, so after we mastered the spaced soothing a bit, we removed the dummy – and were surprised how quickly he adjusted to no longer needing it!”
Diligence pays off
An earlier bedtime, as a result of a more streamlined routine, helped both Carter and Helena get back on a more even keel.
“It was amazing to have some of my evening back,” Helena laughs.
“I was finally able to eat something properly in the evening and enjoy sitting and watching something.”
The pay-off was worth it, despite the journey not being easy.
“I won’t lie – sleep training wasn't easy, and I think I got a bit obsessive about things revolving around Carter’s nap times. I wanted to do it right and took the nap times quite seriously – I still do!” Helena admits.
“Watching the clock was a good indicator for me in terms of awake times, but the routine was also worth sticking to so that we didn’t have a painful evening later too.”
It also helped that Helena wasn’t alone throughout. “Having someone who believed I could do it really helped – as well as the reassurance about what was normal. Chelle encouraged me to push through, and I needed that. I think I would have given up after night two if it was just me trying to DIY it.”
This confirms what we know. The private follow up support is the key element to your success when you work with our team. Having someone in your corner, your own sleep cheer leader who has your back no matter what.
This makes all the difference.
Now 13 months old, Carter is a happy, well-adjusted wee dude.
He is taking great naps, and sleeping well at night. The nights he does wake and call out he doesn't require a speedy response as he has learnt to self settle.
And Helena's found a much happier balance between strict and go with the flow, so a win-win all around.
Our Baby Sleep Program helps tired parents TO DEVELOP HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS BY FOCUSING ON NAPS, SETTLING AND NIGHT SLEEP.
Empowered: Feel empowered as a Mum as you learn to understand your growing baby's needs and cues.
Simple effective settling: Gentle, proven self settling, evidence based techniques.
Content happy baby and parents: Better sleep creates content babies & happy parents.
Freedom: Predictable routines and longer nights creates freedom. Solve your sleep problems for more freedom.
Work with your babies circadian rhythm: Work with your babies biological clock for faster easier results.
Awesome naps & nights: You'll create consistent naps and nights with our support.
Emma Purdue
Emma is the owner and founder of Baby Sleep Consultant, she is a certified infant and child sleep consultant, Happiest Baby on the block educator, has a Bachelor of Science, and Diploma in Education. Emma is a mother to 3 children, and loves writing when she isn't working with tired clients and cheering on her team helping thousands of mums just like you.
Our Baby Sleep Program helps tired parents TO DEVELOP HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS BY FOCUSING ON NAPS, SETTLING AND NIGHT SLEEP.
- Empowered: Feel empowered as a Mum as you learn to understand your growing baby's needs and cues.
- Simple effective settling: Gentle, proven self settling, evidence based techniques.
- Content happy baby and parents: Better sleep creates content babies & happy parents.
- Freedom: Predictable routines and longer nights creates freedom. Solve your sleep problems for more freedom.
- Work with your babies circadian rhythm: Work with your babies biological clock for faster easier results.
- Awesome naps & nights: You'll create consistent naps and nights with our support.
Try our online sleep program, complete with FREE email support.
My baby has reflux can you help?
When your baby has reflux, feeds can be difficult and your baby can be in a lot of pain both during and after feeds. This pain can cause feeding aversions and failure to thrive. This is why true GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) needs to be treated by a doctor. Once your baby's doctor is satisfied your baby is feeding well, and you have the right medication or formula then we can start a sleep plan and you will be successful.
My baby has colic will this help?
Colic is defined as 3 or more hours of crying per day in infants. Crying subsides in the second second trimester. If you are still experiencing colic symptoms speak to your baby's doctor about whether this could be reflux, an allergy, or over tiredness. We can help you work on better sleep with this program at the same time as your doctor investigates the pain and crying.
What if the program isn't working?
We have a dedicated help line to ensure your success. Just email our team via the details in your program and a certified, experienced and friendly sleep consultant is ready to stare you in the right direction to ensure your success!
My baby was born early, can you help?
Sleep is neurological so we always work off your babies neurological age, that is their corrected age. When you look at our sleep programs purchase the program that your babies corrected age fits into.
What if I have questions or need more help?
Our sleep programs come with private email support. You don’t have to post in any public forums or groups, just email the exclusive helpline that our team of certified sleep consultants look after and we’ll answer all your questions and help you on your way.
Can this program help with my babies night sleep?
Yes, all our online sleep programs contain night sleep plans. We will teach you how to move from multiple night feeds to 2 or 1 or none (depending on what is age appropriate and appropriate for your baby.) Don’t worry we will show you to figure this out too. If your baby is unsettled at night but not feeding, our plans will help you with consolidate night sleep and self settling when age appropriate.
My baby is cat napping can you help?
Cat napping is a very normal physiological stage that your baby goes through. At this stage (3-8 months old), cat napping can start to be a long term issue and compound into over tiredness and affect night sleep and your babies happiness. Good news, this is a great age to work on re-settling, self settling and better longer naps!
I have 3 children, can this work with my family?
I totally understand how busy life is with 2, 3 or more children! Even if you need a flexible schedule we can still work on settling regular naps (some on the go!), and better evenings and night. Flick our consultants any specific questions about your family's schedule of activities and we can help you work out what is possible nap wise.
I don't want a fixed routine, can you still help?
Yes. A fixed routine is one option, regular naps and regular awake times is another. Both are valid and you are welcome to do what works for your family. We understand you are all different and what works best for one family won't be best for another.
I'm formula feeding, can you still help?
Yes we have specific advice for formula feeding parents, and we support your decision to feed any way you choose. We even have a special video series on formula feeding and everything you need to know. Just ask our consultants about this extra if you need it.
I'm exclusively breastfeeding, can I follow your plans?
Yes! While breastfeeding babies need to feed frequently they still need quality sleep day and night. We have specific advice for breastfeeding mums and an exclusive discount on Julia Daleys breastfeeding course if you need extra help.
I'm bed sharing, can your program help me stop?
Yes. We often fall into bed sharing, we call this reactive bed sharing. Or we have simply changed our mind, and moving on from bed sharing we need some support. Our programs and consults will guide you through gentle sleep methods, which are more appropriate for most bed sharing babies who are moving towards independent sleep in the cot.
I'm feeding to sleep, can you help me stop?
Yes. Feeding to sleep is a common sleep association and one that works well for lots of newborns. Often we need to move on from feeding to sleep when it starts to cause short naps, or prolonged settling or frequent night wake ups as baby looks for their association to go back to sleep over and over again at night. We can teach you how to teach your baby to self settle and move on from feeding to sleep when the time is right.
I'm rocking to sleep, is their a solution?
Yes. These are common sleep associations, we refer to this as assisting to sleep. Let us show you ways you can develop independent sleep and settling strategies with our online sleep program, or one on one consult.
Is this program based on Cry It Out?
No. Cry it out is the common name for a sleep training method where you put baby down and don’t respond or check until they are fast asleep. There is no CIO involved in this program as we feel this should be only done under proper supervision. Instead we have included all our very gentle approaches and more mainstream techniques for you to choose from.
Is this based on Science or Art?
Both! As a scientist I (Emma) have spent over 8 years researching the science of sleep. I have educated and certified over 500 consultants around the world as sleep consultants, and have worked with thousands of clients. I love the scientific explanations of why we see the sleep patterns we see, and this science helps us to shape plans and solutions that we know will work. But there's an element of art to getting a baby to sleep, understanding the right combination of things that will work best, and this is where your instinct comes in.
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