A gentle approach can still be effective
Mum Crystal and her little dude Elliot were happily in the swing of things, but were having some challenges around sleep.
Bedtime was taking over an hour or more of cuddling and vigorous rocking or bouncing.
“In the 98th percentile, Elliot was a relatively big baby, so it was getting to be a fairly difficult physical undertaking!
Add to that the fact that he was still waking multiple times overnight and I was too exhausted to keep going how we were,” recalls Crystal.
One-on-one over the book approach
Crystal had read all the books she could find about sleep, but she didn’t know what sort of approach to pick and really wanted someone to talk it through with someone – and to get reassurance that she was doing the right things.
She booked a phone consult with baby sleep consultant Kellie.
“Kellie was awesome and spent time asking what I wanted and what I thought in order to suggest a settling technique that would suit me – and that I could keep doing!” Crystal explains.
“I knew that I didn’t want Elliot to be left to cry at all, so Kellie suggested a very gentle approach.
She did warn me that it would take longer, but that we would still get to the end result. And she helped me with what to expect along the way, which definitely helped me to stick with it.”
Starting with food before settling
The first suggestion Kellie made was around diet – moving Elliot’s main protein meal to lunchtime.
“Kellie asked lots of questions about what we were doing but this came about when I told her how he was waking up – always with his knees underneath him and his bum sticking up, which could have pointed to the fact that he had a sore tummy.”
Moving Elliot’s main protein meal earlier in the day gave his system more time to digest it, which started to abate the sore tummy waking him.
However, the other challenge was that he was waking in bed when he’d gone to sleep in his mum’s arms – how confusing!
For Crystal, the priority at that stage was teaching him how to go to sleep in his bed – and the approach they took for this was very gradual.
“I started with putting him in the cot and I would sit right beside it – leaning over and holding him, talking to him. When he cried, I would pick him up until he was calm and closer to sleep – then repeat.
There was a lot of picking up and putting down to start with, as he always objected to being put down,” Crystal says.
Although this process could take a couple of hours initially, as they neared the end of the first week, Elliot started getting it. “He knew he was going to be put down and he’d lie there while I stayed sitting beside the cot.
I did that for quite a while – until I knew he was really asleep – but I was happy being in the room, holding his hand or his shoulder as, for me, I had taken the really physical exertion out of getting him to sleep. The times he woke up in the night became so much easier too as it would be 15 or 20 minutes to help him back to sleep instead of over an hour bouncing around!”
Time brought a turnaround
Eventually, Crystal’s hard work paid off and Elliot slept through the night almost three weeks after they had started with Kellie. “I think I had got a bit tougher too and wouldn’t rush in to cuddle him quite so quickly.”
“The days of marathon efforts to get him to sleep – and eating cold dinner at 10pm before collapsing into bed ourselves feel, thankfully, like a distant memory now. It was amazing how much better I felt; my husband and I could spend some time together and I’m not cranky – I have more energy to put into Elliot during the day,” Crystal muses.
“He seems more settled now too and has gone from grazing to eating better meals. I’m not really a ‘routine’ person, but I think keeping things more consistent through the day helps Elliot know what’s coming.”
Sometimes a regression warrants a reset
Fast-forward 10 months and Crystal and Elliot’s lives are very different. Pregnant with her second baby and selling their house, Crystal noticed that all those changes had led to a sleep regression.
“I was having to virtually hold Elliot in the cot for him to go to sleep and now that my tummy had popped out, this was getting really hard work – so I called Kellie for another phone consult.”
This time Kellie’s aim was to get to the point where Elliot could put himself to sleep – so that they could put him down and leave the room. “We didn’t know what our evenings might look like soon, when our other baby arrived, so we wanted to prepare Elliot for this.”
Crystal still wanted to use a really gentle approach, so Kellie suggested a ‘gradual withdrawal’ technique – starting still in the room.
“I started by sitting on the chair next to the cot still touching Elliot but not holding him on his terms, and then eventually got to the floor not touching him, and the bed further over in the room.
Each time he’d stand up, I would lie him back down and say the same phrase over and over again.”
This time, Elliot responded more quickly. “I was surprised by how quickly the changes happened; there were huge differences even after only 3-4 days.
Eventually we got to the point where we could just say the phrase and leave the room. Now I finally feel like we’re a bit more ready to cope with bedtime when this new addition arrives.”
Finding what works
Initially when Elliot’s sleep regressed, Crystal attempted some further training with a local sleep consultant offering a deal.
“After a short time I was told that sleep training and attachment parenting don’t work. I knew this wasn’t true from my previous success with Kellie.
Kellie wasn’t so prescriptive.
She took the time to find out what would work for my style, family, and situation and I knew I had to contact her again.
If you feel involved in creating the solution, and feel comfortable with the task ahead, it makes it so much easier to stick to.
When you engage in sleep training, you’re tired – and it’s quite an emotional thing, so you need good support. Kellie made a world of difference!”
Do you want to speak to Kellie about some gentle but effective sleep training for your family?
Click the pink box and fill out the form, Kellie will give you a call.
Gentle sleep training is our specialty, we have trained over 400 sleep consultants around the world in our gentle approaches.
Our philosophy is based on respect, communication, consistency, patience and calmness.
Read more about gentle sleep training HERE.
Emma Purdue
Emma is the owner and founder of Baby Sleep Consultant, she is a certified infant and child sleep consultant, Happiest Baby on the block educator, has a Bachelor of Science, and Diploma in Education. Emma is a mother to 3 children, and loves writing when she isn't working with tired clients and cheering on her team helping thousands of mums just like you.
Our Baby Sleep Program helps tired parents TO DEVELOP HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS BY FOCUSING ON NAPS, SETTLING AND NIGHT SLEEP.
- Empowered: Feel empowered as a Mum as you learn to understand your growing baby's needs and cues.
- Simple effective settling: Gentle, proven self settling, evidence based techniques.
- Content happy baby and parents: Better sleep creates content babies & happy parents.
- Freedom: Predictable routines and longer nights creates freedom. Solve your sleep problems for more freedom.
- Work with your babies circadian rhythm: Work with your babies biological clock for faster easier results.
- Awesome naps & nights: You'll create consistent naps and nights with our support.
Try our online sleep program, complete with FREE email support.
My baby has reflux can you help?
When your baby has reflux, feeds can be difficult and your baby can be in a lot of pain both during and after feeds. This pain can cause feeding aversions and failure to thrive. This is why true GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) needs to be treated by a doctor. Once your baby's doctor is satisfied your baby is feeding well, and you have the right medication or formula then we can start a sleep plan and you will be successful.
My baby has colic will this help?
Colic is defined as 3 or more hours of crying per day in infants. Crying subsides in the second second trimester. If you are still experiencing colic symptoms speak to your baby's doctor about whether this could be reflux, an allergy, or over tiredness. We can help you work on better sleep with this program at the same time as your doctor investigates the pain and crying.
What if the program isn't working?
We have a dedicated help line to ensure your success. Just email our team via the details in your program and a certified, experienced and friendly sleep consultant is ready to stare you in the right direction to ensure your success!
My baby was born early, can you help?
Sleep is neurological so we always work off your babies neurological age, that is their corrected age. When you look at our sleep programs purchase the program that your babies corrected age fits into.
What if I have questions or need more help?
Our sleep programs come with private email support. You don’t have to post in any public forums or groups, just email the exclusive helpline that our team of certified sleep consultants look after and we’ll answer all your questions and help you on your way.
Can this program help with my babies night sleep?
Yes, all our online sleep programs contain night sleep plans. We will teach you how to move from multiple night feeds to 2 or 1 or none (depending on what is age appropriate and appropriate for your baby.) Don’t worry we will show you to figure this out too. If your baby is unsettled at night but not feeding, our plans will help you with consolidate night sleep and self settling when age appropriate.
My baby is cat napping can you help?
Cat napping is a very normal physiological stage that your baby goes through. At this stage (3-8 months old), cat napping can start to be a long term issue and compound into over tiredness and affect night sleep and your babies happiness. Good news, this is a great age to work on re-settling, self settling and better longer naps!
I have 3 children, can this work with my family?
I totally understand how busy life is with 2, 3 or more children! Even if you need a flexible schedule we can still work on settling regular naps (some on the go!), and better evenings and night. Flick our consultants any specific questions about your family's schedule of activities and we can help you work out what is possible nap wise.
I don't want a fixed routine, can you still help?
Yes. A fixed routine is one option, regular naps and regular awake times is another. Both are valid and you are welcome to do what works for your family. We understand you are all different and what works best for one family won't be best for another.
I'm formula feeding, can you still help?
Yes we have specific advice for formula feeding parents, and we support your decision to feed any way you choose. We even have a special video series on formula feeding and everything you need to know. Just ask our consultants about this extra if you need it.
I'm exclusively breastfeeding, can I follow your plans?
Yes! While breastfeeding babies need to feed frequently they still need quality sleep day and night. We have specific advice for breastfeeding mums and an exclusive discount on Julia Daleys breastfeeding course if you need extra help.
I'm bed sharing, can your program help me stop?
Yes. We often fall into bed sharing, we call this reactive bed sharing. Or we have simply changed our mind, and moving on from bed sharing we need some support. Our programs and consults will guide you through gentle sleep methods, which are more appropriate for most bed sharing babies who are moving towards independent sleep in the cot.
I'm feeding to sleep, can you help me stop?
Yes. Feeding to sleep is a common sleep association and one that works well for lots of newborns. Often we need to move on from feeding to sleep when it starts to cause short naps, or prolonged settling or frequent night wake ups as baby looks for their association to go back to sleep over and over again at night. We can teach you how to teach your baby to self settle and move on from feeding to sleep when the time is right.
I'm rocking to sleep, is their a solution?
Yes. These are common sleep associations, we refer to this as assisting to sleep. Let us show you ways you can develop independent sleep and settling strategies with our online sleep program, or one on one consult.
Is this program based on Cry It Out?
No. Cry it out is the common name for a sleep training method where you put baby down and don’t respond or check until they are fast asleep. There is no CIO involved in this program as we feel this should be only done under proper supervision. Instead we have included all our very gentle approaches and more mainstream techniques for you to choose from.
Is this based on Science or Art?
Both! As a scientist I (Emma) have spent over 8 years researching the science of sleep. I have educated and certified over 500 consultants around the world as sleep consultants, and have worked with thousands of clients. I love the scientific explanations of why we see the sleep patterns we see, and this science helps us to shape plans and solutions that we know will work. But there's an element of art to getting a baby to sleep, understanding the right combination of things that will work best, and this is where your instinct comes in.
Share This Story, Choose Your Platform!
Leave a comment